A message From Dark.

For a brief moment. Dark Decided to be sane and cival. It was a real moment he had with me in years. And I honestly gave it the time of day. I invested a bit in him and Told him to keep going.

Then I put him on wait. Just to see how long he would last. See how fake it was. See if he reaches out again genuinely interested in getting reconnected.

Nothing. Not a single check in.

Instead it Turns out his factory default is 1 week.

But he did say this to me since he posted some of it here is all of it.

He states:

Honestly I reached out before I knew what I wanted to say.

I just don't get it. After all this time and after all the things that have happened, I'm still where I am and it seems like you're succeeding better than you ever have.

I've been keeping tabs on you because I feel like I've been building up to superior sense of revenge. I felt incredibly betrayed by putting my trust in you and the way that things played out. Because of that, I spent so long trying to find meaning and to move past something when really the resolution and revenge that I wanted never came.

It makes me think about all of the things that are known about you and your community, and yet, people still give you the time of day and give you opportunities that it seems like few people actually get.

I see you surround yourself and interact with these people who, I guess really aren't any better than me and the other people against you are, But have such conflicting world view with how I and the people I know operate, yet you're still given incredible success because, regardless of the circumstances you're given, you always emit this positivity that infects people and encourages them to surround you.

I still have a deep feeling and understanding that, despite what I did, I felt betrayed by you. I don't think that's a feeling that will ever go away until I get, not even an apology, but just an understanding that it was a complicated situation or something. The person I had issues with spent no effort to actually understand my perspective and instead accused me of things that I wasn't doing. It was one of the few times that I opened up to someone I didn't really know and I got destroyed over it. And because of that it affected me all this time. I still have this overwhelmingly difficult time simply interacting with and getting close to people because of experiences like that.

I still have to take responsibility for the fact that I have problems in my head with social situations and jealousy. These are things that I've been trying to work on and I feel like I've been doing an OK job. But even then, I felt betrayed.
But now after all this time and explaining what I said earlier, I am just flabbergasted. I just don't understand how all these things have happened but you're still here doing the thing that you were doing in the first place. Your community still grows and you still get opportunities. People still surround themselves around you and they generally seem happy.

So I'm at a point now where I feel like my only option is to approach you and try to work through this. To try to understand whatever the fuck it is that has happened all this time.

Your community genuinely provided me with a sense of belonging. I felt like I could actually be heard and that the things that were important to me I could share with other people. I don't think I ever made as many friends as I did outside of your community. I think that is the fuel for why I was so upset, that I was losing this opportunity because of a misunderstanding outside my control. Your closest friend being upset with me and misunderstanding me, and then the way that you reacted, left me beyond confused and feeling betrayed.

I don't know where to go from here and I don't know what's going through your head. Critical moments of my life have been destroyed because of how much this has consumed me. All I wanted was an apology or for you to express that you understand my perspective. That was the only thing I wanted. And yet it still felt like no matter what you were avoiding that.

So it makes me question whether or not I even deserve an apology. It makes me question my value in the world and whether or not my feelings make any sense. This is the core of why I call you an abuser to all my friends and family and everyone I know. It's these behaviors that make me extremely confused and makes me reminiscent of my childhood and how everyone treated me and how I turned out the way I did.

But I still sit here confused. I don't understand how you are so fucking successful and people actually care about you.

So at this point I'm left with the only option but to try to make amends and try to get past whatever the fuck this is. I want to understand what problems you have with me and how I can do better to resolve them. Because if I'm being completely frank, Being shoved out of the only space that I actually fucking cared about and thought I could spend the rest of my life doing functionally ruined me.

I'm tired of you emitting your presence across the entire space and the fact that I can't have a sense of and a feeling of belonging because everyone I fucking know interacts with you in some way.

So in a selfish way I want to figure out what the fuck I am doing wrong and how I can do better as a person to satiate whatever the fuck it is you want and the other people you interact with want.